There is a change coming, and I felt I ought to let you know about it, if you’re still reading this. I say “still”, because over the past year, I’ve been writing here less and less, and I’m told inconsistency is how “readerships” decrease. But I have my reasons. One of them is the fact that I’ve been thinking about my voice here, and how important it is to reflect who I am as closely as possible. It’s difficult to do that with integrity, on a schedule, especially when you’re in a state of flux – and aren’t we all? I often wonder how other bloggers manage expectations when they wake up one day, and realize they don’t really care for make up tutorials and outfit breakdown anymore. Must the show go on?
For a long time now, I’ve thought about my place online, my place in the world, about you and the wonderful, humbling letters of thanks you’ve sent me. I’ve thought about where Biorequiem is headed, whether I’d still be of use to you if I changed, whether I’d get as much work if Biorequiem changed… In all of my ambivalence I barely wrote here at all. It comes down to this: while I love keeping my chronicle, my focus has shifted and it’s time to shift things around here, too. How else could you trust me?
Which brings us to a series of events that finally pushed me to hit the Reset button on just about everything.
On October 10th, I got an opportunity I’ve fantasized about for years: a chance to step back from all the things I do and focus on the one I’ve neglected most. Having drawn my entire life, but lacking the financial security necessary to dedicate all of my time to it, the idea of focusing solely on art has been a goal that’s eluded me for a long time. Savings were spent, projects got in the way, I let new adventures sweep me away – all without giving myself time to do the one thing I have always loved most. And though leaving Coilhouse helped usher me in this direction, I spent the majority of 2012 working on commissions, photography and writing gigs – for all of which I’m beyond grateful, but they got me no closer to my goal. And then, suddenly, in the actual midst of a personal catastrophe (regarding which I hope you will respect my privacy) there it was. My dream, in my hands, all infinite facets and multiple choices. And I jumped.
Today, 75% of my possessions are in a storage unit in LA, and I’m unpacking boxes of books and art supplies about an hour south of San Francisco. This house is surrounded by trees, and I look forward to spending a while here, living simply, thinking thoroughly, reading a lot and working on only two things: my Alien Botany series and The Secret Guide to Alternative Beijing. Feel free to nudge me regarding anything you’re owed via email; orders, Kickstarter rewards and outstanding emails will be addressed in the coming weeks – I hope you will forgive the delay as I arrange myself. I’ve moved away from LA after ten years, from many of my friends and all of my family. Away from a persona that no longer fits. A physical shift on par with my inner one. For me, this is big and I hope to document it here in whatever form is called for, as seldom or as frequently as feels right. In the meantime, have a cup of spiked tea and let’s see what comes. No promises.
Polaroid by Lou O’Bedlam
2012 seems to be not the end of the physical world, as many are predicting, but an ending to smaller, more personal worlds within, myself included.
You are a savvy & amazingly resilient creature, Zoe, and despite your current turmoil, I know you will see this adventure through with an equally graceful mix of gusto and patience. Keep on keepin’ on, star sister.
I just wanted to let you know that you’ve been a source of immense inspiration for me over the past couple years. After reading your most recent post, I felt compelled to (finally) tell you. Your strength resonates. Even though I’ve never met you, I’m excited for your new direction as though it were the beginning of my own journey. Best of luck to you. xo.
I love you, Zoe. I feel certain you are on the precipice of something truly wonderful, and I cannot wait to see what it is. I am so thrilled that this opportunity emerged, and that you took it on. I’ve got your back.
maybe it sounds bad, but, i didn’t care too much for makeup or fashion, even though you did it very well – your singular view on the world and the way you see it is what always brought me back here to check out your site, so, never ever feel bad about who you are becoming, in physical space and internet-space, just go with it.
I think many will want to hitch along for the ride.
(there is a shift, like someone suggested up there, i feel it too. casting off my old blog to a new one has been the best thing i did for myself in ages)
If the chance presented itself, I would do the same: Pack away everything that is not immediately needed, move somewhere else, read and write and concentrate on what is truly important to me. So, I can relate.
For as long as I’ve ‘known’ you, you’ve been an immense inspiration and will continue to be so, no matter how often you write here. Over the past two years, I have become more fearless, and put my life more in line with my dreams, and reading about your journey has helped in ways I cannot properly describe. But I am grateful, very much so, that much I can say.
2012 seems to be a year of great changes everywhere. I’m glad you’ve been offered this amazing opportunity. :)
One of the things I have always found most impressive and admirable about you is your ability to fearlessly seize whatever opportunities you are presented with, and to constantly avoid being defined by anything external to your own values.
It’s been especially impressive, because I believe I’ve been following you since you were 20 or 21.
If I were to be young again, and as unsure of myself as I was the first time around, I would want a role model to help me believe I could accomplish whatever I desired if I just had enough grit and determination. I cannot think of any finer choice than you.
Keep doing whatever you feel you have to and persuing the goals you need to, because it has always resulted in a magnificent outpouring of creativity and thought.
A random statement of support is probably close to meaningless, but for what it’s worth, I think you will continue to succeed at whatever you try your hand at.
I’ve only been following you on Twitter for a couple of months, when you popped up as a “recommendation.” This sounds cheesy and repetitive, but you’ve been quite inspirational – without realizing it, I had my hair cut and it turned out like yours. Right now I’m in college, four years of endless crossroads. And through following you, I see a world where I can stand on my own and follow even the nuttiest paths, as myself.
Thank you for being an unapologetic individual – I can’t wait to see where you’ll blast off to next!
I have to echo what several others have on this post….changes are coming for so many of us, personal shifts, reevaluating our time spent, friends, careers, relationships, our place in this wacky world. I too am in a state of flux and am amazed and heartened at how many others are as well.
Zoe, I have been following you in some fashion for about 6 or 7 years now. I believe it was on Flickr that I first came across your photos and well….the rest, as they say, is history.
I will continue to follow you to see where your journey takes you, for as long as you care to share it.
Wishing you the best!
Z – you are fucking incredible. You never, ever cease to inspire and amaze me (in life, art, love, personal growth…). It’s evident, even simply through minimal interaction, how true you are. To the world, your people, and most importantly, yourself. Pure and honest – to all things around you.
I’m so very excited for you, Z. Onto the next chapter, sure to be filled with self discovery, inevitable growth, and beautiful things! Can’t wait to hear more when you can share. Massive amounts of love and light to you! xo
Reading this actually made me feel really happy for you. I mostly follow the stuff you do because whatever you are doing, the perspective and the journey is always really interesting. So whatever you move to, is probably going to be interesting to me in whatever capacity it’s shared.
But that said, I’m pretty excited that you’re going all in on the drawing side. That’s my favorite thing you do. Specifically I love your pen and ink. I’m really excited that there might possibly be more paintings and drawings coming out from you.
So yeah. This makes me multi-level happy–not that that really matters.
My 2012 has basically been learning to understand and love deep traumatic change. I lost my marriage, my car, and had to move twice. But I’m more excited about my life than I’ve ever been. And feel more artistically alive than ever before. It’s all been extremely magical. Every time I thought I had hit rock bottom, things found a way to get worse. But the thing was, no matter how bad things got, I could always do the things that were important to me, and define myself on my own terms–and now I don’t really see any of those bad things as really bad. Change is a reminder of death which is a reminder of life–and life is in your head, and how you choose to contextualize it. 2012 has been understanding the things which can be controlled and the things we can’t–and the beautiful relationship between the two.
So yeah. That was long. But reading this today made me excited about where you’re going because it feels like something that was really powerful for me this year as well. So I hope the same for you.
I will always be a reader and fan your art and vision is something that has inspired me for years and no matter how you change or how little you write I will never un subscribe because the rare posts make them that much more interesting. I must say although I love your food and outfit posts I always enjoyed your art or personal posts more. Enjoy the new path your setting yourself on I hope it fairs you well <3
Long Time Fan and Reader Always,
Synny
It seems that life went on the way and you’re indeed ready for a big jump. I hope it won’t be a huge violent storm, but more a rich and great experience. i hope you the best on your new life !
Despite being terribly sad I won’t see you next week while I’m in LA, I’m very happy you’re embarking on these new adventures and can focus on you and your art.
viva!
Whatever the path you choose, the choice you make, you’re going to be fine as long as you stay honest with yourself. I hope the little Zo in my life will grew up to be like you, true to herself and those around her.
I sincerely wish you good luck in this new adventure.
While I’m sad that you’ve left LA (especially so soon after I’d just moved back! And also for entirely selfish reasons, as you’re one of the people that made LA /LA/ for me (if that makes any sense), and were also my primary source for cool happenings about town that I was otherwise oblivious to), I DO wish you the best of luck in your endeavours. Being able to buckle down and do something entirely of your own with no distractions is a rare opportunity, and you deserve it!
Biorequiem content-wise, I’ll miss the fashion/make-up tips because there’ll be less of your photography here, which I’ve always loved (and occasionally attempted to emulate), but you’re one of three blogs in my bookmarks, and that’s not going to change, whatever you choose to do with it.
I’m glad you’re taking this trip. It’s always nice to step out of one’s bubble every so often. :)
Congratulations on your new life!
I’ve wondered the same thing, many times — how do humans stay consistent with their “personal brand” if it no longer fits? If we’re evolving and our work as artists are evolving, a blog could never remain in the same form forever. I’ve deleted my online presence and many many many WordPresses many times over when I’ve experienced this. Sometimes I regret it that I have nothing to show for that time, and especially when people ask why I stopped. But I did it because I realized I could no longer stand by the photos & posts I used to represent myself, and I needed a change. Continuing to follow the same formula when it no longer speaks to you would defeat the most attractive thing (to me) about maintaining your own website in the first place, total creative control.
It’s so scary to take that leap and it’s brave of you to do it, to turn trauma into an opportunity for reinvention. Thanks for taking us along with you.
Oh lovely Zoe,
I’m incredibly inspired by whatever you do, always have; in all you incarnations. We are humans, after all. Constantly growing and shape-shifting. No one can expect an online presence to stay exactly the same either. You are growing along with all of us, and I have to say that I was ready for a change with biorequiem, because I have changed as well. All of this sounds perfectly natural.
This year was a huge shift for me too. Turning 30 did earth-shattering things to my life and my psyche that were also turmoil in the beginning. But god, I can’t imagine if I hadn’t made those leaps. I divorced my husband (needed to happen, we’re still friends), moved from Brooklyn back home to Texas (Austin, mind you, it’s tolerable) to be closer to family, and switched careers to be a web developer from fashion. I’ve actually had days where I think “I love how my life looks now”. And it’s not at all how I thought it would look 5 years ago.
I’m thrilled for you to focus on drawing and actual art. I absolutely love the tattoo you drew for me (the word Rebirth, earlier this year :) and can’t wait to get it inked on me.
Best of luck and can’t wait to see your transformation. This too shall pass, my friend.
I’ve been lurking your site for about 2 years now and I just wanted you to know that you’ve been a constant source of motivation and inspiration for me to do the things I love. Your moving from LA to focus on something you’ve wanted to focus on for years is very, ahem, moving for me, and is again a source of inspiration for me. Despite your persona changing so significantly, and the guarantee that it continue to do so over the years as does everyone else’s, I do believe you’ll always remain a significant beacon of inspiration for me and I wish you luck with everything!
In addition, it’s very much okay, whatever you end up doing with Biorequiem, because I don’t think you need to make promises with us. We’re happy so long as you’re happy.
Re-arrange, get strange, go weird, never afeared. Look forward to seeing the next chapter and all that comes with it. Take care.
So happy for you!
i’m so [?] for you. it sounds like exactly what you need. i hope your time out there calms, soothes and focuses you. perhaps a trip can be arranged so those who miss you can caravan over for a visit to your oasis, yes?
I’ve been admiring your work and your creative persistence for many years. Blessed be on your new chapter in life.
Follow the stars, girl.
I don’t have much to add in my own comment that hasn’t already been said by these other lovely readers. I’ve never known you or gotten to meet you, but just by happen-stancing onto your blog, you’ve inspired me and I definitely admire you.
If I could be somewhere away from everything and focus solely on art, I would jump at it too for sure. And agreeing again with everyone else here, I feel a huge shift too and have already made a major change in my life as well.
It’s all beautiful progress. :)
wow. i am completely overwhelmed by your bravery and am actually getting a little teary right now.
i have nothing to add and bid you farewell until (if) you choose to return, lovely lady.
We’ve never met and never talked, but I found your livejournal when I was only 14 and you became a kind of idol for me. You were the only person I’ve ever found online and offline that I could relate to, since you do so many different things. Reading your posts throughout the years has helped me immensely, and I will continue reading them. Thank you for being your own person and posting your life on the internet! :) Good luck with this new chapter of your life.
I’ve been an avid reader of yours since the biodoll livejournal years. we didn’t speak often… maybe an email amongst millions, or a comment here or there. BUT you have been an inspiration to many and it’s amazing to see how much you transformed yourself into who you are rather than “what” you are. you give alot, and one day you have to replenish that. it’s understandable.
the simple path always seems to reveal things on a much deeper level. with too much going on, it’s easy to understand how it tugs because it’s all good fun. you seemed to have lived a very rich full existence thus far, socially, soul-fully..etc.. i guess the closing of 2013 is pushing more fullness of your most simplest self. thanks so much for sharing with all of us.. your journey. goodluck to you and the pup! :)
I’ve followed Biorequiem for a few years now, and I’ve loved every post. Your honesty and lack of pretentiousness is very refreshing (and rare on the net!) When I’m feeling uninspired about my art, you always make me enthusiastic again. I’ll be very sad to see your makeup and style posts go as I’ve always loved your unique and effortlessly stylish dress sense and your stunning hair (I’ve never had the confidence to dye my hair or get an interesting cut, so its always a joy to see others being creative with theirs)
I wish you all the best and hope that you’ll continue to post here, in whatever form that may be.
Happy birth & rebirth & growth.
Thank you for sharing.
Dear Zo,
They often say a change is as good as a rest. Whilst I will be sad to see certain elements of your blog go, I know whatever it is that you plan to bring to Biorequiem will be big, honest and awesome. I’ve followed you on Biorequiem for a while now, and you’ve been an inspiration to me – one of my few inspirations, I’ll be honest here. But you have to do what you have to do – as Isobel above said “your honesty and lack of pretentiousness is very refreshing” and you can’t maintain that if you’re not living as you want to live.
Good luck in whatever endeavours you are pursuing right now.
A life full of art sounds awesome!
But I have to say, your fashion and makeup articles are like nothing else, and I’ll miss them a lot.
You’re my teen idol, and it’s cool you’re making such a major shift the same year I become an adult.
Thanks for everything, I look forward to the future.
I´ve been here for a while, admiring your stuff. And have always said to my friends how amazing it would be for your art, yourself and specially me if you could/wanted to just give yourself completely to it.
I´m really sorry for whatever happened and wish the best for you.
You have supporters, sometimes we are not very verbal and/or action packed but we are on your side, wherever the road takes you.
Good luck, girl.
just a quick note to say congratulations. change is uncomfortable for so many people but for those courageous enough to embrace it, the rewards and serenity are significant.
the bay area has an amazing energy to it. i’m sure you’ll flourish here.
and like many others, i remain a loyal fan.
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I’m very excited for you and maybe also because I live in the bay area and am happy another awesome (artist) person is out here too! (l.a seems to hog interesting people!) I have also been a long time reader since high school (when LJ was so cool :P) and I always looked forward to your updates, whatever they entailed. Years later, I still admire and am grateful to be able to peek into your mind every so often. I’m just happy to see you pokin’ around still. I admire your bravery for sharing yourself to the world (something I struggle with) and your tenacity to keep pushing forward. Can’t wait to see what’s next for you <3 forever inspired <3
while personal evolution can lead to things that once fit so well to feel all wrong, it’s one of the things that keeps life interesting and worth living. certain, deeply-defining aspects of a person rarely change, though. you are a fascinating, if not mesmerizing, individual, and whatever you choose to do in life, if you feel like sharing it, i’ll be interested to hear/see/read about it.
congratulations on finding a foothold in the dream. i’m sorry to hear that part of what lead that way was painful, but i’m glad to know you’re handling things proactively – per usual, it would seem.
I’m currently going through a metamorphosis of my own. Even our natural biology makes it so we physically change out our cells constantly. So, in a sense we become a new person every time we breathe. In every moment we are different than the one before.
Your an hour south of San Francisco, which means you are near at least 3 Philz coffee!! i highly recommend.
unless you continue in your chase of freedom and happiness…. you may never discover new dreams. i wish you the best of luck!
Good Luck with this new chapter in your life. All the best from a fan from France.
Bisous
Change in life seems to be inevitable. When we don’t change, we stagnate. For an artist, such as yourself, change is very important for you to grow as an artist. Good luck and remember to have fun!
I’m sorry that things have been so difficult for you. I can only imagine how jarring it must be to scratch it all and start anew. However, if there’s anyone who can do it, it’s you. It has been a very tough year for a lot of us, myself included, but following you online has been an affirmation that my life can be as beautiful as I’d like it to be, someday. Thanks for being so damn cool, and good luck in this transition.
Those who love you will visit… and there is always internet.
Now go… sleep with giant hounds and make alien plants, the likes we’ve never seen.
Hearts and stars for you … this is all a good thing. <3
xoxo
–V
I’ve always sort of Internet stalked you from a far but I do want to tell you that I find you to be an eternally interesting and inspirational person. I hope this opportunity brings you everything you have hoped for and more. I feel like every artist wishes for this in some way and I’m excited to see where this takes you creatively.
<3
Wihoo! I’m thrilled to hear an ahhmazing artist like yourself has moved closer to the bay area! There are so many wonderful things to see around here, I’ve only been here for 6 months and I’m just getting started :p but any who, I always love reading your articles no matter how far apart they are posted. Can’t wait to see what the future holds for you <3
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Even though we may seem like mere pixels sometimes, we’re here for you.
Hey Lady~ It seems that most of the comments pretty much sum up my feelings. I come back because you are a person doing her best to follow her internal compass. It’s helpful to surround ourselves with folks on the same kind of mission—even if we arrive in different places.
Big Love and Lotsa Light.
I have followed you for a long time, even though I have always been shy to comment. The thing you are describing is exactly why I never started a blog, personally. I have always admired people who were able to do it, but I have wondered too “must the show go on?” are personal style updates, as awesome as they are, really IT? With you, I know it’s different and I am really happy that it is. I know you said no promises but I do want you to promise something: don’t forget that there are people all over the world who are inspired by you and what you do means a lot to many people (and you haven’t even shown us yet what you can REALLY do).
I wish you all the best!
ive been reading your stuff since live journal, when i went a binge of adding cute girls with blue hair (i had blue hair at the time, and occasionally still do). basically ive always liked your take on things as you change , commentaries on your own transformations, while maintaining an aesthetic core that i can/could relate to. im glad you are sticking around, tears and a journey is a painful lot, but you can take what you want and burn the rest.
much respect and all that.
e