I’m writing the first half of this while convincing myself to drink two more glasses of water with promise of a nightcap. Dehydration is not my usual game, but I’ve been at my desk for seven solid hours wrapping up a commission, with three more to go in an attempt to complete as many of these as possible this week, because next week marks the beginning of mad preparations for Operation I.
Rewind to seven months ago. My steady writing and photography gig went belly up when Chinashop got its funding pulled by Red Bull, my relationship had turned into something I wanted to stuff into a barrel of acid and set on fire at sea, my car breathed its last – in short, I was heartbroken and free and, for the first time in years, nothing was keeping me in Los Angeles. With lots of support from close friends, I gave away a bunch of stuff, stored away ten years of LA life, and set out for northern California, determined to quietly spend the next year on sabbatical, focusing on myself and my art.
But, in the words of De La Fontaine, a person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. Mine turned out to have little to do with quiet or year-long sabbaticals.
After several months of drawing, sculpting, and spending a lot of time wandering the NorCal countryside, I was on the actual road, returning from a weekend trip, fully intent on finishing Murakami’s 1Q84. Instead, by perfect chance, I met someone I haven’t really been apart from since. That’s not entirely true, actually – at first, there were a couple of weeks of fervid denial and hesitation. If this sounds dramatic, it was. I downright agonized – with, like, sleepless nights and abrupt weight loss and worrying friends and stuff. This was… Legit. Eventually, I remembered that life is short and that allowing toxic debris like fear rule my decision-making is stupid. Good call.
Now, in another eerily synchronous twist, my current living arrangement drew to a close just as Gašper received a job offer that demands his presence in Dublin. After diligently mulling things over, we’re putting even more stuff into that storage unit in LA and heading to Ireland for a year. Thus, Operation I.
At this moment, I don’t know what’s actually going to happen, exactly how long we’ll stay, where we’ll live, or how the hell I’m going to get my printer over there and back. I’ve never taken my dog on a plane and I’ve never moved overseas, (unless you count my immigration from Russia when I was twelve, but I had nothing to do with the details of that). We have three weeks to our departure. In short, Operation I is going to be interesting and I want to document the entire escapade right here. I’m also going to stop cutting my hair for the duration of Ireland and let you know how that’s going – because there’s no entertainment quite like hair angst.
When I moved in an effort to hit “Reset” on myself, I did the same thing with this blog. I had a lot to think about, most of which I wasn’t able to share here, and the blog just didn’t fit anymore, like much of my life until that point had stopped fitting. After many months of stewing and processing, I’ve entered a new chapter and feel ready to resume writing, to make Biorequiem and me match again. I’ve missed this place and I’ve missed you. So, yes. I’m back and I’m leaving and you’re invited. Here’s to our next adventure!
Lots of positive energies being sent your way, Zoetica. You’ve been helping to keep my sanity afloat during my own shift with your colorful photos and wise words, I am thrilled that you will be recording this exciting change here on Biorequiem. Thank you for realizing the importance of human connectivity, and for not letting fear get in the way of life. Lots of love.
Ahead full blast, Cosmonaut! We will watch your progress with great interest! LA will always be here, but life has given you a call to adventure. Best to follow it and your heart. Onward!
Best of luck!
Sounds like a nerve wrecking adventure to me that will be well worth the go once you managed to sort everything out.
One word comes to mind, bravery.
Frank
All I can say is YES! Way to go, Z! Hell yes to not giving into fear, and double hell yes on the Universal rewards.
Can’t wait to follow along! xo
Amanda, thank YOU. It makes me happy to hear that I’ve managed to have some positive influence even from my temporary pit of darkness – I hope your shift took/is taking you where you want to be.
DJ Drue – thanks for the well-wishes! I doubt I’ll live in LA again, but you never know.
Frank – I’ll have to stay brave and avoid the wrecking of nerves. I’ll need alllll the nerve I can muster.
Alex – yippee! Glad to have you on board.
I am of the accord that if life keeps opening doors, you owe it to yourself to see what is inside. Got nothing but love and support for the direction that things are headed. Best of luck!
I flew for 6 hours with my chihuahua when I moved East. Look into “pet relief” areas at the airports you will be flying in. Also, make sure your pooch carrier is compliant in dimensions with the particular airline you’ll be using. Every airline has different rules in regards to traveling with your critter.
Wow! You’ve had a helluva year and deserve this. A new adventure awaits and kudos to you for going for it! Ireland….ahhh, how wonderful! Yay for you! I’ll be sticking around for the details of your transition.
Fuck yea. That is all.
this post is full of hope and magic. i love you. <3
is it strange that this feels like i’m preordering a book i’m really excited about?
Congratulations on the new opportunities and for dealing so well with the last year or so! I’ll be doing a semester abroad at Trinity in Dublin in the fall and the more I read about the city, the more excited I get. Hopefully you will find the move fun and rejuvenating. Good luck and thank you for sharing so much beauty and creativity through this blog.
You inspire, as always.
Such a smile on my face for you! Haven’t seen you in so long, but please know I think of you often and love you to bits.
I’m so stoked that you’ll be posting on here again! That sounds like a fantastic adventure and I send all the lovely positive vibes your way. Like others have said, even with the simplest things like posting food or random adventures, you make me feel grounded by proxy somehow in a really good way. It’s neat. You’re awesome.
Hey doll, this is great news! I know you’ve traveles a lot, but living somewhere for an extended period is a whole new set of dishes. You’re gonna love it.
Also, bonus, we’re both in the EU, so if you ever think to yourself, “Gee, I’d love to see the Schwarzwald”, well… ping me! We’d love to host you and yours!
xo
welcome to Ireland, Z! You moving to Dublin? It’ll be interesting to see the city from your perspective here on Biorequiem. x
It’s funny, I’ve never met you, never seen you from afar, never even been on the same continent as you were, but still I have a weird feeling of connected-ness when I read about your life. And I remember your first post telling about the changes seven months ago and how I thought to myself that I’m just witnessing a mayor turning point in someone’s life. And I’m so glad for you, that you found gratification for your courage now.
Have a great time and enjoy live, can’t wait to read about your adventures in Europe!
You’re my spirit animal.
I’m rubbish at keeping up with my blog reading so Himself forwarded this to me this morning & my first response was “Oh no, she’ll never find all the foods she likes here!” Seriously though, you’re coming here at the best time of year & I hope you love it. As Heather said, it will be so interesting to read about your perspective here & also I hope you’ll come to Dr Sketchy’s Dublin! Sx
I’m very happy about all this!
I’m really happy for you. Change is the only constant and I believe we always should be taking chances. Good Luck!
Way to go! I am so fucking excited for you, Zo! I’ve been following you since I was 16(five years ago), and all the transformations you’ve undergone in your life journey have really inspired me to take risks and follow my passions. I hope whatever lies ahead for you turns out fabulous. You’ve got people here who will be rooting for you along the way! :D
!!!
Just came back to the internet after the weekend and am overwhelmed with all the comments here. You guys sure know how to make a spacesquirrel feel loved.
Will respond in more detail and write first travel-related update soon.
Zoe, I’m so excited for you! For the last couple of years I’ve looked to you as a role model. I have never left your blog feeling anything less than completely energized and inspired.Whenever I feel stagnate, I read up on your newest adventures and I feel capable of taking on the world; because of you I live life on my own terms. Thank you for that. May your journeys bring you all the pleasure you seek and overwhelming love follow you to every corner of this planet. We’ll be cheering you from the sidelines. Take care fellow cybernaut!
Good look fellow (future) Dublin dweller! At the moment we’re having our short summer! I’m sure you’ll enjoy it and do well over here!
Hooray for new love and positive change! I too am going through a divorce and am moving (from l.a. to SF) and have found a new love.
I wish you the best!
I’m glad to hear Biorequiem is “back”! Looking forward to sharing your adventures, good luck!
I’m so happy to read that you are returning to writing more often again; I’ve missed your updates!
You will love Ireland. It is beautiful and I am looking forward to seeing your adventures caught on camera as you explore your new future home. I wish you both the best in the big move!
I just moved to Melbourne from England to pursue my dreams and put my art ‘out there’
You’re right, life is too short for fear. I hope this time round you are rewarded as much I have for being brave.
x x
So glad to hear you’re finding your groove again. Listen to the universe and join the adventures! By the looks of it there’ll be a warm reception of Irish long time readers to welcome you, so don’t be lonely – you’re only one tweet away from a bunch of potential new friends. :)
I’m right here with you. I’m so excited you’re moving and I’m so happy things are going well for you. Wow…Ireland? i love your life. Please keep sharing so boring people like me can live vicariously through you.
Cheers to new beginnings, Miss Ebb!
I’m so excited for you! And I’m excited to read about your adventures again. It’s good to hear that you’re finding your happiness and your stride again.
I’ve been reading your blog since the LJ days and I am very happy to see that you’re back, doing well and moving upward.
Best of luck on your journey!
Best of luck! It’s a fascinating part of the world, and there are lots more adventures ahead for you. Sending positive vibes your way!
So happy to hear about these awesome new beginnings Zo! :)
I also went through something similar last year. My VERY long-term relationship became something completely unrecognizable and had to end. Then in the midst of that awfulness, I met someone wonderful. (I TOTALLY hear you on the angsty-sleepless nights and talking friends ears off). While all of that was going on, I just have to tell you that I found strength in Biorequiem. You (at least from what I gather through your posts here) always follow your heart and stay true to it. You know who you are and that’s all there is to it. Not imitations or limitations accepted. I drew strength from that and applied it to my own life and challenges. And I am happy to report that now, a year & half (or so) + major personal and career changes later, I have never been happier.
I wish you nothing but ultimate, supreme happiness and awesomeness in your Ireland adventures and I very much look forward to reading about them here. <3
Sláinte!
ps. Gašper's hair is brilliant. (My own Mr. Wonderful sports a similar look).
The Burren in Clare.
Go there. Bring sturdy shoes and a camera.
Good luck with the move. I live in Dublin, so hopefully see you around at some point. Probably at one of Scarlett’s (above) events.. :)
Woot! woohoo!! I’m so grateful for the inter webs and being able to remain connected this way. Have missed your posts but appreciate your process and the sharing of your photographs!
Blessings!
So like, despite some folks claimin’ Damn Straight, Maury : Go On; Test A Bitch For That DNA, WTF, IDK . . . You Know, All A Them Initialisms I’d Egregiously Refer To As Acronyms If I Were Among The Shallow End Of The Gene Pool Who Subject Myself To Your Televised Account Of Bad Manners And Even Worse Breeding. She My Mama, Just Like The Name Say, Oh-Kay? I don’t know shit about destiny [ or her off-spring. I do, however, consider Bey-Bey’s shedding of moniker, Kelly and Michele a wise move . . . though somebody needs to school Home Girl on colloquialisms like WHOA. The repeated usage of ‘conversate’ comes off as neither cheeky nor what Gen [wh]Y deems irony; au contraire, it’s just sic in the worst sense of the word. Ya heard? ].
I do, however, know a thing or two about breaks in linear narrative, quotations I wouldn’t smash a mug over the appearance thereupon, and individuals who [ yes, I realize the following is a bold claim, Tumblr : but hey, I also capitalize your name, so like, whaaat ] regardless of their consent, occupy a chamber in Mine Heart.
Heavy on The Feels, this side of the blue screen . . . but my love for you — and the tears shed — are like an animated GIF, when done well : a side effect of the human condition often greater than any attempt to communicate by construct/constrictions of language; a loop that goes on, and on, and on.
I really hope you love Ireland, Dublin is full of lots of really cool and wonderful people and places. While I don’t live in Ireland anymore it is always my home and I look forward to anytime I get to pop back.
Message me if you need any advise or tips. And make sure you acquire a taste for Taytos and Guinness!
You have been a consistent source of inspiration to me over the last few years, and this is no exception… currently, my own life seems to be pulling at the seams, threatening to fall apart (some of it has already), and its reassuring to know, “we are not alone.” (I’m also on a year-long mission of growing out ultra short hair… I’m on month 6… huzzah for bobbi pins, eh?)
Best of luck with the move. I know I’m not alone when I say that I am thrilled with your return and excited to read about your adventures.
I love this post because of it’s honesty. Take away all the things that make us visually interesting (makeup, fashion, etc) and what you have left are people busy living for themselves. I have always enjoyed your blog because it was a beautiful demonstration of how to live. Lulls and roadblocks always occur but damn, it’s good to see you living again.
I remember my relationship epiphany as if it was yesterday: it was brutal. I met someone very quickly after and struggled with where the relationship was going to go – or even if I wanted it to go anywhere.
Fast forward 12 years and we’re still together making each other laugh and enjoying each other’s company.
Zo: enjoy your travels, enjoy each other’s company and enjoy all of the opportunities presented to you because you only have one life to live.
Best of luck,
Rxx