Dear goo-haters whose comments didn’t get approved [mom, is that you?],

I’ve decided you simply fear what you cannot understand and I want to help! You see, the goo was not really alien slime, no matter how badly we may wish it had been. Instead it was this mix from a science supply shop. Perfectly artificial and mixed in a bucket before my very eyes.

As we move forth from this, try to understand that I enjoy posing for [and taking] questionable photos, and if that occasionally means offending you with synthetic bukkake, so be it. Now, please be quiet and look at the view from my rooftop. There is no huge sky squid waiting to spoo all over your face as you sleep. All is well. Shh.

I received the following communication, just now:

Why insinuate that I was not happy with your goo pictures? Please clear my name on your site. Why would people think that you have such a conservative narrow minded mother? How could you be so advanced without my contribution? Or you think you did it all on your own?
Love, mom
I’m sorry mom! I should have never doubted you. Love, Z