A foul beast spreads its wings

It’s true. Dark clouds seem to be hovering over many heads I care about, my own included. This must be fought heel and claw, comrades! Let us not sink into the abyss, but rather tame and ride that bitch straight to Armageddon! Let the forces know who their daddy is. I mean it.

A massive workload stares me in the face, but I feel that unless I make time to write here my head will implode. SO! Here we go. 3 things for your entertainment.

1. Getting hit by a speeding cop car in the middle of Sunset Boulevard

This wasn’t as bad as it sounds, for me anyhow. I was a passenger [a pattern emerges?] in the back seat of a car. The tree of us were about to make a left turn into a restaurant valet zone, as a non-sirened nor illuminated black-and-white rammed into us going 80. Within a matter of seconds, and I do mean seconds, the entire street was shut down for 5 blocks and we were questioned for 2 hours while numerous witnesses whispered words of encouragement. The driver was asked to take a breathalyzer test! I had to speak to every cop type you can imagine, including a very small one. While officers Tiny, Friendly, Dopey, and Angry were making the rounds between us, we were starving and freezing our little sacks off, looking like utter badasses. A passer by said that someone beyond the blockade told him there had been a murder! Alas.

We did make it to dinner eventually and took out frustrations on two dozen innocent oysters and very stiff cocktails. Pictures:

Hair fun, right before leaving my place [an even better one, here]

Tow truck scraping up my friend’s car

Pretty carnage

Well-deserved dinner, after

2. SG Book signing at Meltdown Comics

It happened, books were signed, people were met and Asahi flowed free.  Also, Meltdown [hey, I’m making all links bold from now on, until some sort of site redesign occurs] now carries Coilhouse Magazine, thanks to the ever-awesome Gaston and a young gent named Caleb Monroe. So if you’re in LA stop by there to pick up a copy.

3. To end on a high note – cunnilingus! NSFW, no.

I just came across The Vice Guide To Eating Pussy and, well, it’s simply genius. Boys and girls – if you want to be the one she thinks about years down the line, all misty-eyed and panty-tied, or if you just want to do it right, this one’s for you. Just remember not to ever, ever use any of this terminology in front of actual humans and you’ll be a pussy king/queen. Excerpt below, because it talks about cops, thus bringing this post full-circle.

8a) Clits that need a serious going-over

These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an airtight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation.

And yes, there is also The Vice Guide To Giving Head.